What do Running, a Roll of Quarters, and Reading Harry Potter All Have in Common? Hint: Coping Creatively.

When I first became a mom, I felt like I had to wear a cape. One that was always present, always attached, silently telling others that I had it all under control. But the truth is, Halle was not your average child. She was complex and required extra love and attention. By just a few months old, she was already in physical therapy, feeding therapy, and occupational therapy. I found myself juggling doctor’s appointments, often daily, managing tube-feeding schedules, and keeping up with medication supplies.

It was a lot to handle as a young mom, and I did my best to cope… but it wasn’t always pretty. In those early years, I reserved my tears for long, hot showers, where only I could hear the pain and fear in my own voice. On the rare occasions I managed to get a break, I’d head outside for a run...not to run away from my problems, but to run toward a solution. Or maybe just to carve out a few minutes to be alone and breathe - truly breathe.

Taking care of me was difficult. John had just finished grad school and was working hard at his first job. With Halle’s complex medical needs, I couldn’t work, so I had to get creative when it came to fitting in “me” time or moments of self-care. I learned to make those moments count.

Halle averaged a hospital stay every six weeks, each lasting about 10 days. We never knew when she’d be admitted, so I kept an emergency bag in the car, just in case. It included a pair of running shoes, a roll of quarters, a change of clothes, and some toiletries. I befriended the nurses, and during the night shift, I’d ask if one of them could sit with Halle while I threw on my sneakers and ran a few flights of stairs. They were always so gracious with their time.

On those long ER nights or hospital stays, I’d pull out that roll of quarters and treat myself to a Diet Coke and some M&Ms from the vending machine. (For the younger crowd: vending machines used to only take quarters!) Looking back, I think this is where my unhealthy relationship with sweets started. I felt like I deserved something to calm me - or maybe just numb the constant fear I was living with. That small sweet treat was my moment of relief during another crisis in the hospital.

To balance that, I turned to journaling and reading a good book. I wrote a lot back then—my fears, my anger, my hopes, my uncertainty. Writing was my way of telling “someone” how I was feeling without burdening anyone. After all, I was the mom. I was supposed to hold it all together for everyone, especially for Halle.

I didn’t always cope perfectly in that first year as a mom. But over time, I learned a few important lessons that helped me find my way:

1. It’s okay to not be okay. Even moms don’t always have it together.

2. It’s okay to ask for help. We aren’t meant to do this alone. The people who care about us want to share the load, especially when things feel heavy.

3. Sometimes the help we need comes in the form of therapy or medication and that’s okay. There’s no shame in seeking the support that works for you.

4. It takes a village to raise a medically complex child. And everyone’s village looks a little different. Mine included family, friends, loving doctors, nurses, therapists, and so many more. Allowing my village to help wasn’t just vital for my mental health, it was essential for my kids’ well-being too.

5. Get outside. Soak in the sun. Touch the grass. Go for a run. Take a hike. Feel the breeze on your face. Pushing yourself out of your home and into the world, even when it feels easier to stay in, was vital, for both me and my kiddo.

6. Reading a good book is a true escape. Some days, you just need a quick getaway to a different world. For me, one of the first books that did the trick was Harry Potter. The magical world wasn’t just a story, it was my way of letting go of the chaos of my real life, even if for a few moments, through the flick of a wand.

7. It’s okay to cry in the shower or scream in the car. Some days are just like that, and that’s completely okay.

8. Embracing simple pleasures can be a quick reset for the day. Sometimes, the smallest moments offer the biggest rewards. For me, a simple pleasure that still helps me today is a quick trip to the McDonald's drive-thru for a Diet Coke. It’s a small, refreshing ritual that gives me a moment to breathe and reset.

9. Redefining what it means to be a good mom. I’ve come to realize that being a good mom doesn’t mean doing it all on my own. Its okay to lean on others, take breaks, and put myself as a priority when needed.

10. When you’re having the worst day of your life, remember this: Tomorrow is a new day.

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Ready for more? This week on Strength Happens Podcast on Apple, Spotify, Amazon, iHeartRadio, Janine and I take a look back at our early coping strategies—what worked, what didn’t, and how our approach to coping has evolved over time. Tune in to Coping. Caffeine. Repeat. Wednesday, July 23rd, for a candid and insightful conversation you won’t want to miss!

Plus, we’ve created a Coping Happens Workbook -- and it’s yours to download for FREE!

Coping Happens: A Practical Guide.

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