The Power of Friendship in the Caregiver Journey

Whether you ease into caregiving, slowly realize you have become one, or get tossed into the deep end with no idea how to swim, as I did when Halle was born...life changes in ways you are never fully prepared for when you become a caregiver. Specially, relationships change...some grow deeper, some shift, and others, sadly fade. Out of all the relationships that touch a caregiver's life, one of the most surprising and powerful is found in friendship.

Friendships may look different when you serve in the role of caregiver. It's not always about coffee dates or girls' night out. Often, it's about the friends who see past your "I'm fine" and know you are not. It's the ones who send you a text at just the right time, or who message you a gift card to Starbucks on a day full of doctors appointments. It's the ones who hold space for you even if you can't always show up for them in the same way.

For me, friendships have always been complicated. I don't naturally ask for help, and I've often kept the hardest parts of caregiving tucked away. It's not like I am ashamed, it's more that I never want to feel like a burden to others. And honestly, if I shared what my life is really like...well...I'm not sure people would even believe me. I tend to be the “fun one,” carefree and enjoying life, while inside I’m constantly worried about how the next bill will be paid, whether the insurance company will cover the next procedure, or if we will find the right doctor for a new diagnosis.

I remember a time when I let a friend see me completely fall apart, as I answered the door mid-meltdown after fighting with an insurance company to get the life-saving drug my child needed. I will never forget the look on her face as I opened the door...she was scared and it scared me too. I realized how vulnerable it felt to let someone in on the raw, unfiltered reality. Halle was only 2 at that time and for years after, I thought - if people knew everything my family has been through, they wouldn’t believe me. So I gave pieces of myself to the world but only a few people, like Janine, know the whole story.

For Janine, friendships have shown up in surprising ways. One of the most surprising friendships she found was with Mary Beth. They both had children around the same time, and Mary Beth intentionally inserted herself into Janine's life, putting in far more effort than Janine realized she needed. She would call to invite Janine over for mom time or organize playdates for their kids. She seemed to know exactly when Janine needed someone in those early years. Over the years, as Mary Beth moved away and their lives naturally shifted, their friendship faded, but her impact lasted forever.

There have been seasons when the stress of medical crises with Morgan and Halle, ironically, during the same timeframe, strained even our friendship. But the beautiful part is, we found our way back. And out of that reconnection, Strength Happens was born. Beyond that, I’ve seen friends rally with meals, gift cards, or just a message to say, “We see you.” The village doesn’t always look like what you imagine, but it always matters.

The truth is, friendships while being a caregiver to a child with chronic illness often requires grace on both sides. Some friendships fade, not because there isn’t love, but because life pulls in different directions. And some endure...sometimes in quieter, less obvious ways. Both can be okay.

What we've learned in this:

• It's okay to let people in. Even if it feels messy or imperfect, letting someone see your real story creates connection. Be selective. Take the time to find the right person. Share only what you are comfortable sharing. And remember, it is also okay not to let people in if that is too much for you.

• Notice the small gestures. A text, a cup of coffee, a shared laugh over the phone...they count more than you realize.

• Invest when you can. It's easy to pull away when life is heavy (I have done this far too many times), but even small steps matter. Friendships, like caregiving, takes effort.

If you are reading this as a caregiver, know you are not alone. Friendships, well, any relationship, may look different but it's possible to find the people who truly want to be there for you. Those connections can be some of the strongest lifelines you have.

So maybe the question for this week is simple: What one friendship/relationship could you nurture, even in a small way? A quick text, a coffee invite, or even just saying, “I’m thinking of you.” Even you haven't made that friend yet, step outside your comfort zone and look around for new ways to engage with others.

Because caregiving changes everything but it doesn’t take away the need for friendship. In fact, it makes it matter even more.

And friendship is just one part of the story. This week on Strength Happens, we’ll also be diving into how caregiving impacts marriages, sibling relationships, and the friendships that carry us through. We hope you’ll join us for this conversation.

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