Back to School: Looks a Little Different for Parents of Kids with Disabilities

It’s Back-to-School Season! That time of year where you hunt down the cute backpack and matching lunch box.  Grab the $.75 box of Crayola crayons and a pack of #2 pencils.  I love walking down the aisles at Target with rows and rows of notebooks, post-it notes, and endless supplies needed for the new school year. 

You can feel the excitement in the air…mostly from the parents, but also from the kids who can’t wait to meet their new teacher and find out which friends are in their class.

With that excitement can also come a few stressors, especially when your kids have a list of diagnoses as long as their school supply list.  There will be new routines, new teachers, new paperwork, and all the unknowns that come with raising a child with disabilities and/or complex medical as they navigate the school system.

Over the years, I have learned a few tips of the trade that helped make all those “news” and transitions run a little more smoothly. Janine and I delve more deeply into these lessons learned in Season 1, Episode 4 of our podcast Strength Happens: Back to School: IEP, Supplies, and Survival Tips.

When it comes to back-to-school, sometimes we are preparing our kids for the big return to the classroom, while other times, we are preparing ourselves.  And sometimes no matter how prepared we are, we still learn something new each year…and those lessons are not always easy.  For me, my big year of growth as a mom came as Halle entered third grade.  By the end of the first week or so, Halle’s new teacher had a few words to share with me.

"Ms. Heilman, with all due respect, you need to stop walking Halle into class. You’re doing too much for her. She is fully capable of starting her day on her own."

Halle was one of the youngest for her grade and I was still doing a lot for her—walking her to class, setting up her desk, getting her agenda out...you get the idea. While I did all this, she would just sit there and let me work away before the bell rang.

Then one day, her new teacher, Ms. Dean (fresh out of college and wise beyond her years), gently told me what I needed to hear.

She reminded me that Halle was capable - but she’d keep letting me do everything unless I stepped back...and let go. That day changed everything for me. I realized I had been stuck in “full-time advocate mode” and hadn’t given Halle the space to grow…to be independent.

From that day forward, I let Halle take the lead—and she did. It was the beginning of Halle learning to advocate for herself. It wasn’t easy for me, but it was right for her. And before I knew it, Halle was taking the lead not just in the classroom but also at home. She spoke up more. She helped with making dinner. She advocated for herself at the doctors. She used her voice before I could step in.  Sometimes the hardest part of back-to-school season, is just letting them go.  But it is the best thing we can do for them.

Helping your child prepare prepare for the start of school. Even if your child doesn’t talk about it, they are probably feeling the shift that back-to-school brings.  A few things that have worked for us include:

·       Start routines early.  Ease back into earlier bedtimes and wake-ups.

·       Let them have some control. That may include picking out a backpack or using their own alarm clock for waking up.  A little independence goes long way.

·       Use visuals and practice stories. Social stories, picture schedules, and walk-throughs of the classroom help east your child’s anxiety. You can even take a couple pictures during open house to make a “first day” book to prepare them for the new school routine.

·       Talk about the upcoming changes. Predictability helps. Even if your kiddo sheds a few tears at drop off, talking about the upcoming changes can give them the words needed to talk about their feelings during this stressful time.

·      Focus on what's within your control. This might mean making sure medical forms are signed by the pediatrician, ensuring your child has an up-to-date set of EpiPens with their name on them, or creating an “All About Me” page for teachers. These small steps help set the stage for a smoother start. An “All About Me” page gives teachers a window beyond the diagnosis or IEP...it lets them see your child’s strengths, interests, and personality, helping them connect more meaningfully from day one.

💬 Real talk: That first day... or heck, the whole first week, might be a little rough. You might get a call to come pick them up early. Deep breaths. That’s totally normal. Stick with it, give them some grace (and give yourself some too!). Pro tip: stash some favorite snacks and plan for easy dinners that week. A little comfort food goes a long way when everyone’s adjusting.

Back-to-school isn’t always easy, but each year brings a fresh start, a little more growth, and a few new adventures.

🎧 Want to hear more of our real-life stories (and a few survival tips)?

Check out the latest episode of the Strength Happens Podcast: Back to School: IEPs, Supplies & Survival Tips.

🎒 Visit the Strength Happens Resources to grab our free All About Me template and find a list of back to school books that may help your kids as they transition into the Fall school schedule

💬 Send this blog or our podcast link to a parent who needs it

📱 Follow us on Instagram or Tik Tok and tell us what your biggest back-to-school worry is—we may feature it in an upcoming episode.