Back to School: College Edition...Navigating Dorm Drop Off Looks a Little Different with Disability

August always brings that familiar back-to-school buzz for parents, but those feelings hit differently when your child is heading off to college. And if your child has any type of diagnosis - medical, learning disability, or anything in between, that “buzz” brings a whole new set of worries.

We’ve had two kids head off to college, and each experience came with its own set of challenges and fears. And of course, nothing about a Heilman college experience goes by the book. As we like to say: if it’s going to happen, it’ll happen to a Heilman.

When we dropped Neeley off for her freshman year three years ago, I was sure we had covered every detail. We met with Student Disability Services to set up accommodations. We toured the health center and she met with the medical team to review her diagnoses and treatment plan. We packed infusion supplies, epipens, medical gloves, hand sanitizer and so much more. Let's just say her first aide kit was a little more extensive than the average college student. We found the nearest pharmacy, emergency rooms, and urgent care. We even located specialists, primary care options, and physical therapy centers. I was sure we had thought through everything...she was ready for college. Right?

And then came Friday night of Welcome Week.

Neeley had been out with new friends - s’mores, music on the quad, and all the fun that came with Freshman Welcome Week. But she got overheated, exhausted, started vomiting, and passed out multiple times. She didn’t know what to do or who to call. She just knew she needed to get back to her dorm for her medication, so she called me, of course.

I told her to call the Accessibility Service Van. No answer.

Next, I told her to call campus police. They came but ... they assumed she was a drunk freshman who couldn’t handle her alcohol. An ambulance was called, and before I knew it, I was on the phone with an ER doctor… 1,300 miles away.

“She’s safe,” he said. “She needs fluids. She’s dehydrated and her POTS is acting up.” He was so kind, but in that moment I realized something big: even with all the preparation in the world, we couldn’t plan for everything.

And that’s okay.

College is a crash course in living with the unexpected, especially when you have a chronic illness. Neeley learned to carry extra medication everywhere, always bring water to events, and wear a medical alert bracelet so EMTs could help her even if she couldn’t speak for herself. We forgot plenty, but we all learned along the way.

Fast-forward to last week. John and I drove Neeley 10 hours south for her second college drop-off - this time for graduate school. And this time, she handled it all on her own.

I didn’t realize how much she had grown up until we were pulling into town and I casually said, “Oh look, Duke Medical is right by your apartment,” and it hit me… I hadn’t planned the quickest route to a hospital or where the pharmacy was. In fact, I hadn’t planned a single thing. I trusted her completely. She had taken the lead on not just her education, but also with ALL her medical care. She was on her own.

Well… mostly on her own. I did buy all her new furniture, and John took her on a Costco run… and I took her to the grocery store; to PetSmart; to Home Goods...twice; and to Target… three times. But for the most part, she managed everything herself.

Turns out, college drop-off isn’t just about the student growing up, it’s about the parent growing up too.

🎙️ Want to hear more about our college drop-off adventures and the lessons we learned?Check out the latest episode of the Strength Happens Podcast (Apple, Spotify, or Amazon) where we share our honest, sometimes hilarious, and occasionally tear-filled take on sending our kids with disabilities off to college...what we got right, what we forgot, and what we’ll never forget.

Visit Strength Happens page to find college resources and links to the podcast.

Resources: College Dorm Checklist and Disability Services: High School vs College